4.21.2009

Do I Enjoy Writing?

I just finished Haruki Murakami's book on running, "What I Talk About When I Talk About Running," which is actually a book about novel writing, disguised as a book on running.

What struck me the most about it, was that as you read it, not once is there a single moment where Murakami enjoys running, at least in the traditional sense where you have a big smile on your face while you're doing something. The entire book is about pain management and self-discipline, which sounds terribly dry and unenjoyable. It's also a book about failure, about the countless events Murakami enters and doesn't do quite as well as expected. (And where he gets kicked in the side by competitors, and where he hyperventilates, and where 18-year-old Harvard girls with ponytails speed past him.) Unless you're a novelist (or a marathon runner, for that matter), and you sort of get it, any sensible person would be less inclined to take up long-distance running or novel-writing than before reading the book.

As a novelist, though, and as someone who has participated in a triathalon, not to mention the countless hiking and mountain biking "adventures" I've put myself through, I kind of get what Murakami is saying. When you're on mile 19 of a marathon, or when you're deep in concentration on a novel, you literally are not there to enjoy it. The part of our weird human split-brains that can analyze a task while performing it doesn't exist. You are literally one with the writing or the running--there isn't a you to feel any sort of emotion towards what you are doing.

Like I said, there's no enjoyment while this is taking place. If an outside observer were to take a look at your face while you were experiencing this, they would observe that you have a grimace on your face, and look like you're deep in thought.

And yet, when you're done and you come back to normal reality, where the left half of your brain splits off with your right half, you feel, well, there's no other good way to put it--laid.

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3.19.2009

Last Trip to Colony House

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3.17.2009

Bridging the Gap

After almost five years, I've finally managed to pull together all the threads of the novel. The last three chapters that I wrote brings me from the beginning of the novel all the way to the end. I still have to tweak the final 75 pages (and hopefully shorten them) but all the fear that I'll never get it right has finally vanished. It's so awesome to be here...


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3.13.2009

One More Week

Too many words...

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3.09.2009

Rounding Third

I'm pretty much three-quarters done with the novel, but it's going to be nearly impossible to finish it up in two weeks. Looks like I'm going to be out at home plate.

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2.26.2009

The Bean Counter

Sigh. I went through several rewrites of the next chapter. Hopefully, I won't have to do this too many times with future material.

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2.24.2009

Eight Years of Failure

No, this is not a diatribe about the Bush Administration, although the fact that the years of which I speak coincide is not entirely coincidental. This is about my personal failure, about the incredible waste of time that has been my writing life from the autumn of 2000 to the present.

I don't want your pity for this. I'm not going Morrissey. I am depressed about it, but the depression is tempered with realism, with the bare facts. I've produced nothing publishable in eight years, despite constantly being at work.

I have a three-hundred page novel manuscript called Silver, which devolved into a long instant message conversation between a guy and his gay college roommate about the sad state of American politics. I'm also on the ninth draft of what would have been a rather prescient novel, had I published it in 2004 when I first intended to complete it. It revolves around a preacher with an uncanny resemblance to like Rev. Wright, who bears an uncanny ethnic background to Barack Obama, whose brought to fame by an artist and zinester who shares Shepard Fairey's propaganda mentality (the artist who generated Obama's famous Hope logo). If I had published the book on time, I'd be considered some sort of prophet, which is also ironic, given that "Prophet" is part of the manuscript's title.

While I have nothing to show for these eight years, I have not been left without wisdom. I know where I've gone wrong. There are going to be those Anthony DeMello new-age, mind-over-matter types who will argue with me, but I know myself and what makes me happy, and there's only one way for me to write a novel, and that's the Proustian way: I can only write about life when I'm not living it.

For the last eight years, I've tried raising two kids, consulting for my wife's business, and writing a novel. I've had time to work—plenty of it—babysitters and daycare and a hard-working wife, but my focus always seems to be elsewhere, and without laser-focus my writing has an airy quality, as if the writer isn't fully there. On top of that, I've been miserable (and making my wife and kids miserable in the process), always berating myself for not getting anything done.

The majority of my first novel, World Leader Pretend, was written when I left an active social life in San Francisco, and moved in with my parents, who lived in a retirement community in Northern Arizona. I wrote like mad, mountain biked all over the Prescott N.F., and more importantly, was more at peace with myself than I've ever been in my life. Recently, I've taken trips to the Oregon Writers Colony, where I again, wrote like mad, took long walks on the beach three times a day, and felt reunited with my muse, who I hadn't seen in a long time.

The conclusion I've come to is this: after I finish this novel (and I'm going back to the Oregon Writers Colony in order to finish it) I'm not going to write another without giving it my complete attention. It may be years before I can do that, but at least I'll be living life in the meantime.

It may have been eight years of failure, but hey, I still have hope.

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2.19.2009

An Impressive Days Work

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Oregon Writers Colony Take 2



And much trimming was done...

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2.08.2009

Total After the Weekend

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2.04.2009

Getting Work Done at the Oregon Writers Colony

Last night's finishing word count is awesome. Have to try and maintain the pace today.

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1.31.2009

The Meter

1.30.2009

Connecting the Dots

I managed to link the new material I've been writing to older material, and at least for a little while, should be able to sail through a little faster. The end of today's count.

1.29.2009

Today's Work

Hard to explain how I got further from the end today. Will likely be cutting out a bunch of pages tomorrow, so by the end of day tomorrow I'm hoping to see some progress.

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Word Count

I found this geeky word counter to help me keep track of where I'm at with the latest rewrite of my next novel. It will likely only depress me, seeing how much more I have to go, and how slow the progress is, but you never know. The idea is to post it every day... we'll see how that goes.

Both the words completed and the target will change, as I add or delete material...

This was what I started at today.

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1.09.2009

How to Structure your Novel

Yesterday evening, I had the occasion to sit next to a very prolific, well-published NW fiction writer. He had with him a classic book written for girls, which, given his tough-guy reputation, one would not expect him to have. I asked him what the book was for. He said, "Oh, it's the structure of my next novel."

This seemed like something I should have thought of before, using the structure of a simply-written book to structure my own work, and so I asked him if he did this before writing all his novels. He didn't answer me directly, rather he said, "it allows me to focus on the content."

Given my own recent struggles with structure, I wonder if this isn't sage advice for just about anyone.

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12.29.2008

On Giving My Laptop a Vasectomy

I have an Internet addiction. In fact, I wrote an entire novel about Internet addiction. You would think, after several years, I would have developed the proper coping mechanism for said addiction, but alas, I have not.

And so, during a particularly devastating period of writers' block, in which procrastination levels, and thus Web surfing, were redlining, I bought a precision screwdriver set and played a game of Operation with my laptop.

I followed some random instructions that I found online, cracked it open, removed the internal wireless card, put Band-aids (electrical tape) around the two loose leads, and closed up the machine. The operation was surprisingly uneventful and successful, and I have been going to coffee shops with the eunuch ever since, my writers' block gone and my spirits elevated. Addiction-free.

It seems like there's a moral to this story, but it's not coming to me right now. Maybe, someone can suggest one in the comments...

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